You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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