So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
