hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
