why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
dude. I can hear the air.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
