Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
