You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
