Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
