spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
