been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
