We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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