It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
