At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
