I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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