She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
