I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
