Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
