i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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