I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
