I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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