Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
