Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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