my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
