Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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