Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
