No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
