I heard we made out
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
