If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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