They should really pass out barf bags in church
Quick, to the slutcave!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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