Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
