i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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