I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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