we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
