girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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