This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
