brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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