i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
