I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
