Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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