I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
