maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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