Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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