Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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