This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
