my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
