Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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