I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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