At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
