New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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