your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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