Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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