I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
