omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
