We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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