I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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