Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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